Baby Clumps: 19 Weeks + Being The Mom With A Life

Talk about a belly that grew overnight, uh? I’m actually okay with the fact that I didn’t really pop until close to my 5th month. As a woman who has always tried to lose weight and not gain, gaining too much too soon would have put me in the nut house. For awhile I thought something was wrong with me because I didn’t look pregnant. Like the old saying go, “Be careful what you wish for.” My overnight belly is reminiscent of my boobies. I went from undershirts to double DDs in like…a night. I’m not even kidding. I always tell the joke that one day I woke up and a boob plopped on the floor.

I’m so inappropriate, y’all. Poor Bean. She’s going to have to endure crazy stories like that for a lifetime.

What the babe is up to this week….

“Your favorite womb-hijacker is suddenly huge, at 10 inches in length! This week your lil’ fetus will start digesting the extremely appetizing diet of amniotic fluid and baby wee, as they are now capable of swallowing, digesting, and passing the fluid as far as their tiny “large” intestines.” (source)

How do I feel? GREAT! I really don’t have many complaints. My back hurts all the time but I try to get up and move throughout the workday. Nausea still greets me in the morning and early evenings (whether I snack or not) but I’ve learned to just deal with it. I remind myself of Filbert from Rocko’s Modern Life.

Aside from the nausea, I do okay day-to-day. I thought I’d be free from heartburn but I get that daily too. It’s manageable though. Annoying? Yes. Worse than 1st trimester sickies? No. And for that reason, I don’t complain about much.

So today’s random topic is something that is quite controversial and I may step on a few toes. Not intentionally of course but when pregnancy and motherhood is discussed, things get a little funny. So here’s the thing…

I wasn’t one of those little girls who pictured herself being a mother. I had baby dolls and Barbies but they were more accessories in my girldom than actual toys that foreshadowed my future. Even in high school and college, I knew I wanted to be married and have kids, but it was never something that I actively worked towards. I didn’t have that maternal clock that many of my friends seemed to have. In fact, in my early 20’s, motherhood seemed to be more of an inconvenience than anything else. I pictured myself having to swap everything I loved to become a Mom. I thought I’d have to loose my self-identity, friends, hobbies and passions to raise a child. I’d seen friends do this and just knew that being a Mom closer to to my 30’s was the only choice for me. I wanted to really LIVE before becoming a Mom. And so lived I did.

Esposo and I made the decision to become parents because we thought we were in a good place in our lives to do so. Plus we both genuinely wanted to be parents. Now with being just a few months away from being a Mom, I still have this fear that I’ll be so consumed with motherhood that I will loose myself. I have no problem dedicating my life to raising my children but I want to ensure that Esposo will still continue making music a part of his life. And that I will still blog, travel, volunteer and workout like I’ve been doing before pregnancy. We don’t live near relatives so I can’t rely on grannies as nannies and cousins who will babysit while I go to the gym. I’m sure it’ll be a challenge to even crank out a blog post every day. While battling this fear, I run into spurts of “You know what…we can do this!” And that’s what keeps me going. There are plenty of women who have managed to find a balance between parenting and running businesses, working outside of the home, enjoying their hobbies and spending time with their friends.

Bean will gleefully be #1 in our lives and there’s no doubting that but I will try my hardest to be that Mom with a life. Is that okay? Is it okay that I want my children to be integral parts of my life without making them my entire life? My friends with kids say that ‘things will change’ when Bean is born and I’m sure but that’s not the kind of discouraging comment a first time mom wants to hear, ya know?

Quick Bean Stats!

Weight Gain: 9 lbs! I freaked out for a minute but then realized that I lost a significant amount during first trimester. Midwife confirms that I’m right on track but thinks that Bean may be a week or 2 ahead of schedule. I’ll be scheduling an ultrasound to see.

Strangest Symptom: The other night I noticed my tummy beating as if it was my heart. So weird!

Maternity Photos?: Yep. They’ll have a comic book spin, I’m sure. We won’t be doing any bare-bellied pics. I kinda hate those…

Baby Registry: Finally got ’em done! My Mom and sister did everything. I didn’t realize how clueless I was when it came to baby essentials.

Last person to touch my belly: So I’m on the elevator and this random man asks me if I’m pregnant and then proceeds to try and touch my belly. Men do this?! I don’t want any stranger touching me but some creepy man? Eww!

Goals for Upcoming Week: Prenatal yoga this weekend! The goal is to do it at least once a week. I also need to finalize a venue for the shower. Oh! And drink more water. I get down 60 oz a day but the midwife says I should be doing more. Oh boy…


Any gals out there who aren’t moms but want to be one day and can relate to the fear of potentially loosing yourself in motherhood? Is there a sure way to combat these feelings? 

Other Baby Posts:
Bean’s Announcement
Baby Clumps: 15 Weeks
Baby Clumps: 16 Weeks + Gender Reveal
-Baby Clumps: 17 Weeks + Confusion
Baby Clumps: 18 Weeks + Guys at baby showers?

  • I was worried I would loose myself getting married and after two years I can say that isn’t happening so I’m really hoping motherhood is the same! Your such a well rounded person that I think this is all going to come naturally to you.

    • Brittany

      Thanks sis! Somehow I found getting married 10x easier than even thinking about having kids. It would be so hard to loose myself in my marriage because Esposo and I both have separate passions.

  • Baby hiccups!! When you see your tum moving like that it means your little bean has the hiccups. I have an overwhelming feeling that you will make an amazing & well balanced mother. Your fears are echoed with many other moms to be. Oh and things will really change, but for the better!! My first born was … lets just say unplanned at a young age, and I consider it the best thing to ever happen to me. I loved this post!

  • Kelly

    I worry about this as well. Wanting children (or a child, let’s be serious!) but not wanting to put myself on hold. No advice here but interested in what others can share.

  • Evie

    I am not a mom yet but I can definitely relate to what you’re saying. Like you I don’t want to lose myself after having kids either, and besides it’s not good for the marriage when everything becomes about the kids. What happens when the kids start to grow up and start having their own friends and hobbies? You may just have to readjust how you do things once the baby is here. Like if you can’t make it to the gym, workout at home with dvd’s (Insanity is no joke), or get a jogging stroller and take the baby on a run with you.

  • I have that fear, too – I don’t want to become this entirely different (in a bad way) person just because I have a child, you know? Kids would be down the line for us (not now, haha!) but I’ve seen parents be consumed by their children, and while I do want to be a supportive, good mother and a good wife, I also still want to be my own person. I think it’s very possible and like you said, there are plenty of good people out there who are parents are who are still doing their thing, so there’s hope for us! Good luck to all of us :)

  • Daintynymph

    One of my good friends had a kid a few years ago, and his social life is still quite good. Granted, he lives with his parents and separated from the mom when kid was a baby, so there’s plenty of times for him to be “kid free”, but most of the time I’ve seen him has been hanging out when kid’s been there. It helps that she’s impossibly adorable and the whole group of friends likes kids.

    I think the key is to just keep living your life, and figure out how to bring Bean along. Strap her to your chest or back and go to the fair or somesuch. If you don’t disappear after she’s born, you won’t have much adjustment in the way of “coming back” to yourself when she doesn’t need you 24/7.

    What do I know about kids though, I don’t have any yet! Good luck, and I hope soon the only symptoms you have will be from the 20 lb weight strapped to your belly.

  • How cute do you look?! =)

  • Things will definitely change, but it doesn’t have to be a bad thing! I think finding a balance is key, you and your husband need time for your own things and with each other regularly, in order to be the best parents for your little one! I moved to a new country with a 1 year old and another on the way, so I know how it is to feel isolated and not have people around to help. The best thing I did was to join a local mother’s group. You might have to look into a few to find one you click with, but it’s sooooo worth it. Your child gets outside stimulation and new experiences playing with other kids and you get adult conversation, advice, new friends and people to swap babysitting duties with. A lot of gyms have a kids club where they will watch your baby from 6 months old and upwards while you work out for 2 hours. Also, switch off with your husband at least one day a week, so you can go out and do your thing and he gets bonding time with baby. I find that I get less sleep now, since I tend to work and blog at night when the kids are asleep, but I still get things done! There are sooooo many things that you can do WITH your kids, thinking that you wont have a life afterwards is definitely not true. The best thing is to have positive, outgoing friends with children or that don’t mind doing things with children.

  • Heather

    I wasn’t a little girl who dreamed of being a mom either and wasn’t a mom til I was 28 and married for 6 years. I feel that I personally wasn’t ready to be a mom in my early twenties either for that reason as you don’t care that you have given up your freedom to a degree. Because let’s face it people’s lives do change when they become parents but the investment in the kids lives are beyond worth it. And trust me you’ll find ways to continue with your outlets, etc. Or you’ll find out that it wasn’t that important to begin with. You do still need your down time and what not for sure.

  • You look beautiful!!!!!!!!!

  • You look lovely! Still thinking about it, still terrified.

  • Lisa

    Congrats on your pregnancy! I think there is something about a pregnant belly that people just assume they can rub it; kind of like a pet!

  • I’m not a mother, but I get what you’re saying. And I’m actually really happy to hear you say it, because it voices a lot of what I think on the subject. All my friends are having babies, and honestly… sometimes I wonder where the person I used to know went. Instead it’s “baby this, baby that” 24/7. I also think there is a lot of pressure on women today to be the ideal mother who devotes herself to her kids full time (which isn’t actually very reasonable for women who either A- can’t afford not to work full time, or B- women who WANT to continue to work). There’s also this big push towards co-sleeping, breast feeding on demand, “natural” births, etc. I almost feel bad asking if sometime you wouldn’t just want some space for yourself. I also don’t think mothers who don’t want to breastfeed should be shamed as bad mothers (because some people are pretty militant about this point).

    You might want to read “The Conflict” by Elisabeth Badintur; great book that discusses the struggle to reconcile your identity as a woman with being a mother in today’s world. I’m reading it right now and I’m finding it refreshing.

    Okay, so this is getting long, but awesome topic! I’m glad you brought it up, and a big congrats on your pregnancy! I’m so excited for you. 😀

  • Things will change but, only for the better. It’s all about compromising and understanding that you can have it all just not all at once ;-).

    I don’t sleep. That’s how I manage. But then you titter on a nervous breakdown which is never good. So you find a happy medium. The truth is, I’d rather spend time with her than some of my friends (she’s SO much cooler ;-). But I do yearn for time with grown up and adults.

    I started blogging when she was 10 months old and found a ridiculous support system in my readers and my Twitter stream. Crazy? Probably but, I wouldn’t trade them for the world.

    You will find your way. But guess what? It’s YOUR way. Others do it differently. Is one better than the other? Hell no. The one piece of advice I can give you: parents know best. Cut out the chatter, the little snide remarks from friends (I still hear those in my head sometimes) and do what’s right for you and your family.

  • Liz

    I was the same way – I always knew I wanted kids one day, but I actually didn’t think either that or marriage would happen for me. They did, though… lol. I was a mom by 25. My lil turkey will be 5 this year. It was a struggle to find the balance for a while, I’m not going to lie. And really, for that first year or so I was too exhausted to even want a balance, I just wanted some d*** sleep. (Working mom here.) You will likely be completely consumed with mommyhood and that’s a good thing (and fun!), but after a while you find yourself again, and that’s a good thing too. :) It all depends on what YOU want and what you see as important. You can be an awesome mom without giving up your identity, but your priorities will definitely shift too. Just enjoy the journey – they grow up way too fast!

    Best wishes hun, you look beautiful!

  • I was soooo not the Mommy type. I knew I wanted kids, but I didn’t see myself as maternal. But things changed, and after having my daughter, it does come out.

    Things do change, but really only for the better. I agree with the other posters that you have to find a happy medium. In the first 6 weeks of life (when you’re supposed to rest anyway) you’ll have so much love for your little bean that you will wonder why did you worry about anything in the first place.

  • LIz

    Thank you for saying that! I think that a happy, fulfilling life allows you the mental strength to be a better mother. But that’s just me 😉

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  • kia

    hi brit!! i know this is back quite a few posts, but looking good! most women on their first baby don’t show right away… beyonce? lol i started showing at 5 months. when someone noticed, it scared me. i was used to no one being able to tell, lol.

    1. you are a mommmy now! you two are taking care of her and watching her grow.

    2. mom and dad come first, then baby…. gotta keep her foundation in tact :)

    love you, sis