*edit: We removed Elle’s pictures. I didn’t feel comfortable having so many online.
You are 3 months old. I type that with tears in my eyes because I remember being 3 months pregnant with you. Technically you have existed for well over a year and I’m just amazed at how perfectly you fit in my life and in this world. It’s true what they say. It does get easier. The first few months of newborn-ing is hard. Sleep deprivation is painful. It’s a physical and emotional kind of pain that I can’t begin to explain. But we are slowly getting past that. I mean, yeah….I am still sleep deprived but I think my body can handle it a lot better. I spend so many days wondering if I am doing everything right. Are these the right bottles? Should I really allow you to sleep on your tummy? Is going back to work the best decision?
There were so many challenges this month but you, me, your daddy…we got through them. Pumping became easier. I stopped crying over the fact that I couldn’t nurse you. I began feeling grateful for being able to have an abundant supply that has not only fed you but has fed 4 other babies up and down the East coast. I knew that financially we couldn’t afford for me to stay home with you so I did the most difficult thing I ever had to do. I put you in someone else’s care.
Oh, but what a blessing she is. Your sitter adores you. She hugs you and kisses you, snuggles you and sings to you. She’s patient and gives you the attention that I would want you to have. She engages you and plays with you. She’s a gift and she made returning to work so much easier for me.
And you? Well you’re no longer my sleep all day and night newborn. Your personality is here and I’m lovin’ it! You are such a morning person. Within seconds of waking up, you get to smiling. You give me these huge smiles that warm my heart. You like music and sounds. Every morning when I’m getting ready, I let you watch a few minutes of Nick Jr on the iPad and you seem so engaged. As if you really know what’s going on. You babble and coo. I love when I talk to you and you coo back at me. Your mouth makes this adorable little O.
You learned how to roll over and hold onto your toys. You enjoy looking at yourself in the mirror and you lift that neck alllll the way up during tummy time. It’s been rough but we’ve been working on a schedule. We try to create routine events so that you know what to expect. You don’t sleep through the night and many people are telling me that just a little formula or rice in your milk will help. I’m avoiding both because I think it’s okay that you aren’t sleeping through the night yet. You’re still young. And it’s okay. Plus, I don’t know what I’d do if you slept 8 hours straight. I’d be freaking out.
You’re a stylish somethin’. You’ve got so many adorable clothes and you look just as sweet as pie in them. Your hair is growing and your eczema is slowly clearing up. You are so beautiful. So so beautiful. I can’t stop looking at you. Your eyes glow. They are losing some of the gray that they once had and are becoming a sparkling and rich brown. Your eyes are captivating. Your dimples are deep. Your skin is soft and my heart is yours.
Mommy is so excited about all of these milestones, but please…take your time. I am enjoying this stage with you but I don’t want it to fly by too quickly.
Oh and as for me? I’m not losing any weight. I’m not gaining either. I’m not as ravenous so now I’m being a bit more conscious about what I eat – more greens and lean meats. It’s a challenge. Now that I’m back at work I walk a mile a day and go up and down the flights of stairs 3 times a day. I’m trying. I miss the gym but for now I’ll do what I can. Once we get in more of a routine, I’ll see if I can do the gym thing.
Daddy and I are trying. I hope you know that. And we’re so proud of you.
This month you…
-Sucked your thumb
-Sat upright in a Bumbo chair
-Went to work with Mommy and was on your best behavior
-Stopped the startle reflex (we called it the “Help me!”)
-Began singing and coo-ing
-Reached out for your toys
You are a rockstar.