(edit: images removed)
Wow. My little baby girl is already a month old. I’m all kinds of emotional about it. I’m so excited that she’s growing and thriving and becoming even more amazing each day. But I’m sad because well, she’s almost a big girl. Kind of.
I know folx are like, “Come on, B. She’s only a month old.” But I feel like I was just pregnant yesterday. I never understand why parents got so weepy over their kids going to kindergarten but yeah, now I get it. Speaking of ‘Dumb Things Those Who Aren’t Parents Say’, I was that non-parent that talked a lot of trash about what I WOULDN’T do when I had kids. I’d say stuff like…
“I would never co-sleep. That’s so unsafe.”
“Breastfeeding is the ONLY option for me. I will never give my baby formula.”
“I’m letting my baby cry it out. Otherwise they’ll get spoiled if I ALWAYS pick them up.”
Lies. Lies. Lies.
I proudly co-sleep. Due to latching issues, I had to give Elle formula three times. And I have yet to let her ‘cry it out’. Parenthood does turn you into a different person. I’ve been caught staring at her while she sleeps. Because I just don’t understand what I’ve done in this life to get granted the opportunity to be her mommy. Why did God select me?
The first few weeks after her birth were emotional and rough. It’s true what people say – you really do get used to being sleep deprived. Elle is a great baby in that she actually sleeps through the night. She wakes up to eat and goes right back to sleep. However, she seems to only really want to go back to sleep while laying on someone’s chest. Which I wouldn’t mind if it weren’t so uncomfortable to me. Neither Esposo and I sleep well with her sleeping on our chests but we succumb to it because some sleep is better than no sleep. And Elle the Belle is a cranky something sleeping in her cradle.
My Mom and sister’s help the first 2 weeks were invaluable. And so were the love and support from my friends. I tried so hard to do everything by myself but it was impossible. I NEEDED the help.
Physically, after a week or so I felt just fine. Due to Elle being born early, we had to do a lot of running around with her to and from doctor’s appointments. My body had no choice but to bounce back quickly. My appetite is out of control. I am foreverrrrr starving and snacking around the clock.
Breastfeeding is not going well. I feel like I’m on an episode of True Life: You Thought Breastfeeding Was Going To Be Easy. I should have known better. There’s a reason why there are so many support groups for breastfeeding women. It IS that difficult. A baby doesn’t always just latch on a boob and go to town. There are so many situations that make it difficult for mom and baby. In Elle’s case, the lactation consultant said she may have some oral motor issues. Latching her brings tears to my eyes but I try daily because I am confident that one day she will do it. I’m going to a La Leche League meeting soon and have joined several “Exclusive Pumpers” groups because you soooo need support during a time like this. In the meantime, I’ve been pumping every 2 hours (every 3 hours at night) to ensure that I have enough milk to feed Elle via bottle. It’s exhausting.
Pumping and bottle preparation is time consuming. I have to pump, prepare the bottle, clean pumping equipment, feed baby and repeat. And I’m screwed if she’s starving WHILE I’m pumping because then I have to feed her while I pump. And if I leave the house, I HAVE to be back within 2 hours or else my boobs become engorged and painful. Everyday I want to quit but my dedication to giving Elle the BEST is what keeps me going. How this will work when I have to go back to work is beyond me. I’ve been freezing my expressed milk so that she can continue to have my milk even when I can’t pump as much. The breastfeeding thing put me in a depressive hole for weeks. I felt like a horrible mother for not being able to do it and I hated that it couldn’t be easier for me. Each day gets better. I wish I would have done more research about breastfeeding during my pregnancy. I just knew I wouldn’t have any problems and had I been more informed, I would not have been so stressed out. But you can’t have it all, right? I had a great pregnancy and great labor and delivery. To be honest, I would have traded a longer labor for an easier breastfeeding experience but ah well…
So yeah, we’re truckin’ along. I am not looking forward to going back to work. Work from home mom? Um yeah. Would love to. At least for a year. It’s isn’t an option for us so having to drop her off at daycare is going to kill my soul. But let’s stick with the important things. Elle is healthy, happy , adorable and she’s got so many people that adore her. Esposo and I are doing the best we can as first time parents and we couldn’t be more happier to have her in our lives.
Weight – Around 7 lbs
Cool Tricks – Opens mouth wide when you kiss her chin, holds head, attempts to hold bottle, smiles/laughs while sleeping.
Favorite Spots – On Mommy or Daddy’s chest, in a baby carrier, her Boppy and bouncy chair.