“Mama, I peed on myself.”
I don’t bother looking at the alarm clock to my right. I already know the time hovers between 6:12am and 6:32am. Mothers with small children are fortunate (and not so fortunate) that their babes come with built-in alarm clocks. This is so we can never be late.
I’m shocked that my husband’s beastly snoring didn’t wake me before the pee soaked kid did. I look down and see an overgrown newborn on my left breast. When did he get in the bed? How is he still getting milk out of my breasts? And exactly how are my breasts able to even reach him in THAT position?
My son cracks a smile at me. He waves at me. With the glow from our salt lamp, I can see a bit of his beautiful brown eyes. And I smile. Because I don’t care how tired you are, when a baby waves at you, it’s pretty much the cutest thing ever.
“Did you hear me, mama? I peed on myself. But I changed the sheets.”
I groan and swallow my frustration. It’s my birthday. I don’t want the first thing out of my mouth to be me fussing at a kid. I’m better than that. I’m a better person than that.
Within seconds, my man child crawls to the edge of the bed and smacks his sister in the face.
“Bub!” I shriek. “Nooooo!”
So much for me being a better person.
The shrieking stirs
the beast my husband and he mumbles something beast-like.
“Daddy, I peed in the bed.”
If you don’t respond to an almost 4-year old, they’ll repeat the same thing over and over again. Actually, even if you DO respond to them, they’ll repeat themselves over and over again. EB has a record of 31 times. I am confident she will surpass this in 2017.
My husband springs out of bed, stands up and stretches.
“I’ll get her washed up,” he says.
He leaves the room before I can say anything.
I’m jealous because now he gets a good 3 minutes of kid-free time before me.
This is marriage with small kids. It’s a constant competition and battle over who can get the most sleep or most kid-free time. Nursing mothers lose every time.
Not fair. And it’s my birthday.
I sit up and my breasts go every which way. They never really sat up because hello, big boobs don’t sit up but now they look like something scientific. They go down so low. There is no plumpness. They’re like chocolate flapjacks. And also my son’s best friends.
“Mama, I peed on my-…”
“I hear you, honey. I hear you. We’ll get you washed up.”
I put (or maybe drop, I honestly can’t remember) the baby to the floor and he scurries off to box his sister. I glance at myself in the mirror. My eyes are red. Is it allergies? Sleep exhaustion? I don’t know.
I run into the bathroom before a kid notices and…
Through the door, I can hear the youngest child wailing.
And then I hear my oldest child wailing.
“Mamamaaaaaaa, Bub hit meeeeee.”
Both kids are wailing.
My husband has been gone for longer than 3 minutes.
I still haven’t peed.
I plop myself on the toilet.
Kids are still wailing.
It’s my birthday. I love birthdays. I don’t mind getting older. I love celebrating my birthday. The past few years (about 4 or so…) haven’t been too celebratory. I mean, honestly…no one really NEEDS a party. Having the actual birthday is celebration enough but when I turned 28, just a few days later a became a mother for the first time. Since then, my birthdays have been like regular ole’ days. Mommy duties don’t stop on birthdays. I’m far too tired to plan anything extravagant and well, this is my life now.
Somewhere, I’m sure a woman who isn’t a mother finds this all a bit…jarring. It is. It jars me daily. That’s my life. That’s mom life.
A tear falls on my left thigh. I can’t tell if it’s from allergies or sleep exhaustion. Emotions? Do I still have those? Who knows? I brush the tear away and emerge from the bathroom.
I didn’t pee.
The Wailing Duo commences and suddenly all is right with their world. The baby cracks a smile at me. My daughter runs up and hugs my leg.
I look in the mirror.
This is 32.
Fuzzy haired, butchered brows but oh my gosh impeccable skin and tired 32.
It won’t feel this way ever again. Which can be a good thing or bad thing.
For that moment, I am filled with gratitude and happiness. I am grateful. I am blessed. I am older.
I am tired.
I am 32.
“Mama, I peed on myself.”