Hey May 2017!
For years I’ve always tried to portray something I’m not. I am not an overly positive and happy person. Only lately have I accepted this part of me. So why I do I present something I’m not? Because it feels good. For me, I realize that most times…being happy is a choice. Being positive is a choice. I realize I’ve got some privilege here as people struggling with mental illnesses may not have this luxury. So I welcome it and fight HARD to be happy. And to be positive.
This Challenge? I’m hoping I can stick to it. I’m nervous. I want to be all positive about it but eeeeee….I ain’t feeling it. My lack of grit is out of this world. I can’t stick to a damn thing. You name it…exercise, meal prepping, tracking meals, setting and achieving goals, meditating, journaling, going to bed early, drinking enough water…NOTHING. If I wake up and don’t feel well or have a not so good day, I’m all off course and can’t get back on. It was easier getting back on track before kids and while I love my chirens (yes, chirens) those precious chocolate drops throw a wrench in my life sometimes.
I’m so sick of this.
I love myself. I really do.
But I HATE that aspect about myself.
I am going to be incredibly intentional about sticking through this ReBoot Challenge. I have no expectations other than to finish. And I don’t want to be hungry. Lord Jesus, please take away the raging hunger beast that may want to attack me midday. Take the sugar beast too because juices and smoothies are good and everything but when I fast and detox, I crave cake.
Cake is glorious.
Cake is good.
Cake is so good.
So. Here we go. I’m ready for this. Actually, no. I’m not ready. I haven’t effectively meal prepped. I have a few ingredients but not most. I completely forgot about the Challenge until yesterday. I clocked in 9 hours of work and between that and spending time with the family, I forgot.
*sigh*
I’m semi-ready. I’m sipping lemon water, did some meditation, got enough thangs to crank out a few smoothies and I’m going to Grounding Roots to get some juices before I’m in work mode.
I’ll be tracking my weight because yeah yeah, I know….weight doesn’t matter. It’s how you feel, blah blah. That’s the kind of stuff skinny and fit people always say. Any fat girl knows that seeing that she’s ACTUALLY lost weight can be incredibly motivating. I could be 1 lb down and I’ll throw an effing party. And yeah, I know it’s possible that I could gain most of it back once I transition out of the Challenge but I NEED to see what my body is capable of. Knowledge is power.
Okay, here goes…
Weight: 232.4
Emotion: Hopeful. And tired. ALWAYS tired.
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