(picture-less posts are the worst. Still waiting on an ideal picture to post with this one but wanted to get the post up ASAP.)
Yesterday, hundreds and thousands of women marched. And in record numbers!
Can I be honest? I’m still a bit unclear as to why they marched.
-Was it in protest over the Trump inauguration?
-Was it to highlight the suspected downfall women’s rights will take?
-Was it in support of marginalized communities?
I don’t know. I still don’t know and I’m sure everyone’s reasons may be different.
When I first heard about the marches, I couldn’t figure out why I didn’t feel the urge to go. There was no fire in my bones. I wasn’t excited about it. I was happy that I had unintentionally planned a birthday party for EB on the very same day. I was wrapped up in kid party nirvana and I wasn’t upset that I couldn’t make the march.
But I was SO perplexed as to why I wasn’t upset. I get frustrated when #momlife gets in the way of my advocacy. Don’t get me wrong. I am definitely that mom who when her husband is working will strap one kid to her back and hand grab the other to attend rallies, marches and protests. I’ve done it before and I won’t stop doing it. But why wasn’t my heart broken over not attending the Women’s March of 2017? Why was I okay with being covered in glitter, glue and blocking the cupcake table from 3, 4 and 5-year-olds but not being at a march?
Why wasn’t I experiencing FOMO?
I figured it out. Somewhere between 4am and 5am (because for weeks this has been the time my youngest kid gets up and STAYS up), I got it.
I’ve got an attitude problem.
I will preface this by saying, I think people should protest and boycott the way they want to. Never will I tell people how I think they should do it. I’m grateful to live in a nation where we have the freedoms to do so.
But I had an attitude with White women.
It feels strange admitting this. Yes, I’m more verbal in discussions surrounding racial injustices, Black Lives Matter and racial divides happening in the United States and the African diaspora. Discussing them publicly, that is. These issues have always been discussed with most, if not all of my friends.
Say what? Doesn’t everyone talk nail polish, books they’re reading and their political and racial frustrations with their friends?
Oh.
I have an attitude problem with White women because it took Donald Trump taking his place as the 45th President of the United States to get my White sisters to march? Where were you ladies when we marched on behalf of Sandra Bland? Where were your tweets and activism then? Why are the issues of Black women ignored on your Facebook feed but the exact opposite is done when you feel YOUR rights are threatened?
You’ll rock a pink hat and draft up signs talking about how you don’t want the government controlling your uterus and how you’re marching for your daughters.
And I get it. I GET why you march.
I’m just so dang irritated at how it took us getting to this point for you to march. You preach solidarity and how we all need to come together but it only seems to be that case when it affects you. Were you standing with Standing Rock and trying to see how you could support? Are you frustrated and concerned that Black women die in record numbers during childbirth? Did you even know that was a thing?
I should be grateful. I should be grateful to see women of all backgrounds and across our great nation marching together. Maybe I should realize that it’s easier for people to be involved with issues that personally affect them. I should get over the fact that it would be a snowy day at the beach to see something similar for Black women. Muslim women. Indigenous women. My Latinx sisters, Asian sisters and disabled sisters.
I’m used to seeing Black women support everyone but having very little to no support for us and the issues that concern us. It’s so prominent in our culture. It has become the norm. Our hairstyles can be used in magazines with models that don’t look like us, be given different names and yet if I go to Supercuts right now and ask for a style, I’ll get an “OMG WTF to do?” face from all of the stylists there.
Black women will support brands with their dollars and voices up and down the physical and e-streets but the same brands don’t even think to include us.
Even brands that are are pretty mum when it comes to social rights issues have jumped on the Women’s March bandwagon and I think it’s great. But I don’t see any women that look like me up in that image. Or on their website. Or in their ads. And I certainly didn’t hear any chatter from this brand I love when issues that affect women of color specifically pop up.
Just a week back, I got into a heated discussion with the very first woman I donated breast milk to. A White woman. I discussed my fear over my family not having health insurance if the Affordable Care Act is repealed. Instead of trying to understand my fear and LISTEN, this woman gave me a slew of reasons as to why she didn’t have that fear. My body produced milk that nourished and fed her child but I can’t even get her to listen to my fears? I didn’t ask her to agree with me. I wanted to help educate her on an issue that she had a difficult time understanding. She was too caught up in explaining herself and HER situation on MY post, that I found myself talking to a glistening brick wall.
That friendship is over but it doesn’t even surprise me because that woman is representative of so many White women.
And let’s not be silly here. Obviously there are White women who are incredible activists. These White women make it their business to be educated on issues facing other women of color. They share posts, jump in conversations, they listen and they march. I’m not talking about these White women.
But to my White sisters that have automatic blinders to issues facing me, my dark-skinned body and my dark skinned family, I’ve got an attiude with you and I hope that you do better in 2017. I hope this march dumped a bit more urgency and clarity as it relates to the isuses that face yes you, but women of color as well.
I hope that you start supporting us the same way we’ve supported you – even when we didn’t have a choice.
*I get it. This post may upset you. But before you roll up in my comments attacking me, please know that I will only post comments that provide conversation – even if it’s conversation that I may disagree with. A stream of curse words and all around craziness will be not be posted.
Such a well-written, thought provoking post. I will admit that I read this and my initial reaction was but of course doesn’t everybody fight for the things that effect them. I am the first to admit that I do not know all the issues in the world that would personally offend me. In fact only recently have I discovered some that sends shock waves through my body. But it does occur to me that injustice towards anyone should not be tolerated and my first reaction is shock and despair and then very quickly what can I do to help? I can’t say that I feel especially strongly about issues regarding coloured women despite being Indian myself. All racism bothers me, racism that mocks religions and hurts vulnerable people angers me like no other. Disrespect towards women ignites a similar reaction, objectification and just plain nastiness bothers me and I see it everywhere all the time. Not looking for it but being hit in the face with it daily. I personally hope to do better in 2017, I want to know more about all lives, about the different laws and how they vary across the US and in England where I live. How statistics are more than just numbers, they are real , live people. How racism still exists and still effects us to this day. I want a better world and I don’t know enough about it right now to change this. I am glad you shared this post, because whatever I have been doing I feel like I could do more and that is the message I received. I hope you are well.
ALittleKiran | Bloglovin
I’m just so grateful to you and your willingness to be open enough to engage in stories that may or may not hit home for you personally. Thank you so much for your comment!
You mentioned you thought you might get some bad comments, I would hope not but just in case – this is a nice one! I really enjoyed reading this, I always appreciate a different point of view. I’m white, I’m also not from the USA, I live in London. Working in a mostly white, male environment every day doesn’t exactly expose me to that many different people or to learn about different points of view so I have to try and research online as I don’t want to be ‘that ignorant white person’. I am glad you put your perspective across as, being white, it’s not something that I could know. Clearly, I have no idea how it feels to be black OR American and I don’t like to assume I could understand and always want to learn and understand more. So thank you for sharing.
Hey Sarah! You taking the time to educate yourself is SO important. I try to do the very same and we don’t have have the same experiences and live in the same country to support each other and want the best for each other. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts.
Hi Brittany. Unfortunately, hardly any of us white or any other ethnicity or color don’t ever feel a need to March, protest, etc, UNLESS it directly affects us or has the potential to. That general apathy is accompanied by racism, of course, but is not inherently racist, in my view. I was at the rally yesterday and there were many POC there resisting trump policies together and it was definitely a feeling of coming together for the right reasons. I got hopeful for the first time in a very long time. It has tempered already today, but it remains.
I’m so glad people are feeling the hope and that it continues to drive more education and action. I just feel that for so long Black women have been shouting similar sentiments and no one pays attention because “Oh, I’m not Black. Not my issue.” So yep, I’m holding the same people at those rallies and marches accountable because YES, I think it’s beautiful when people of all backgrounds can get together for a cause. Now can we do the same thing for marginalized communities? Imagine the impact of seeing THAT many people at a march related to Standing Rock or police brutality.
This was amazing! While I was proud of the women marching (some of whom were my friends) I was still struggling with the same emotions. Thank you for your voice when we can’t find the words.
Thanks so much for reading, B!
I think a lot of people, especially the older generations, are afflicted with ‘if it doesn’t affect me directly, why should I care?’ so it’s frustrating because to me, it should be easy to see that it matters. It makes me angry to have to explain to people why they should be compassionate to others, especially when they’re claiming to be Christians. Isn’t that built into their religion? Nowhere does it say ‘only be compassionate to people who look like me.’
You would think, right? But it doesn’t surprise me because I just go back to the history of African Americans and how we got to America in the first place. We didn’t matter then so how can I expect for people to care now? Because that was “so long ago”? *shrugs* And yes, I soooo agree with you. Christians who justify this kind of craziness boggle my mind!
Thank you for sharing.
For context purposes, I’m a white woman in the Midwest and spent several years living in DC. I currently live in a mid-size city where race, immigration and LGBTQ disparity happens every day and I see very few people doing anything about it. I did not attend for a number of reasons, but my primary was the frustration with everyone who was absent for the last year. I get it. You’re frustrated. But for those of use who have been championing women’s health (and healthcare for all) and have been really vocal about this election, we’re tired… we’ve been doing this. We’ve been screaming about inequity for a long time… why did it take Cheeto’s inauguration to speak up? Where were the rallies and marches during the primaries and the debates before the election?
I watched from my couch and I was so grateful to see such a diverse crowd in Washington. I remember the 2004 march was a sea of white, female faces for miles. This is significant progress. I cannot criticize those who went though because everyone has to find that AHA! moment where they decide it’s time to stand up. My hope is that this is the start of so much more. Marching for one day is one thing, it’s what you do after that really counts.
My sister, I love everything you’ve said here. Especially “Where were the rallies and marches during the primaries and the debates before the election?” Because HELLO!!!! There’s a chance that we wouldn’t be in this place, if more women were a bit more “woke”. But alas, we’re here and I’m like you and can only hope that after this march, we can CONTINUE to work and bring about awareness.
Awesome, thought provoking post. My local friends have been involved with protesting for BLM and LGBTQA issues and not just for cis white feminism, but I’m in Asheville and I realize we are in this liberal bubble, yes that bubble everyone talks about. Still, I will resolve to keep my eyes open and ears to the ground and do better in 2017.
Which is all any of us can do so sister to sister, THANK YOU, Rachel! <3
Love hearing your POV. I was having a conversation with some friends from college over the weekend. We, specifically speaking of white Americans, seem to have the need to come in and tell everyone what to do and how to fix it. When not everyone wants to be fixed or helped the way that we think they should be. The conversation started with Tom’s Shoes and how it seems so noble to buy a pair of shoes and someone else in Africa gets a gets a free pair. How noble are we privileged Americans?! Well it turns out that the shoe manufacturer in Africa has now gone out of business. People lost jobs. It hurt their economy, all because everyone was choosing the free shoes over the pair they would have to buy. Duh. According to many people this has created a lazy generation. They are not happy, but us privileged Americans are patting ourselves on the back for this. Don’t get me wrong my girls and I have multiple pairs of Toms and I really thought I was doing a good thing, until the documentary Poverty Inc. From there the conversation moved on to my friend who was at her esthetician right after the Philando Castile shooting near St Paul, MN. There was a bunch of people protesting outside the governor’s mansion and my friend mentioned it to her esthetician, who is a black woman, who told her that she was first person to acknowledge what was happening outside. (I would be willing to bet that many of these women that came into her salon that day who ignored the shooting protest were out there marching for their own rights.) This led to a tearful discussion and my friend wanting to help, but honestly didn’t know what to do. To her it seemed like here was this privileged white woman coming in and saying here is what you should do, when in reality we don’t know what its like to be discriminated based on the color of our skin. We get the whole woman thing, but not the skin thing. As much as we can try to put ourselves in your place it will never be the same. We don’t know what its like to endure hundreds of years of slavery. So I guess what I am trying to say. Thank you for your post. I can see how hard it was to put it out there and I want to help stand up for the rights of all people and not just those that affect me, but I want to know what I can do to help and not just assume I know what’s best.
Thank you so much for your comment, Carrie! Seriously! It says a lot about you that you’ll admit that hey, I could use some work and that I WANT to try and do better. I struggling with helping people realize just that part. So THANK YOU! Keep listening, keep sharing and keep asking questions.
Posts like this are part of the reason I *do* read blogs like yours. You make me get out of my comfort zone and think! And yes, you’re going to get comments from people who disagree, or can’t understand where you’re coming from, but I’m glad you won’t let it stop you. We need more women like you in this world. Thank you.
Thanks for sticking with me, Liz. I appreciate your support so much.
I am so with you. Thank you for this. I’ve been having a lot of thoughts myself around the topic that are similar.
So glad I’m not alone with these sentiments!
Now I don’t comment much on blog, like ever. I’m an IG fanatic and chat with you there. But it almost brought me to tears that someone had the nerve to say any of the garbage to you. No one else lives in your shoes, lives your life, the way we do in our own. If something outrages you, shit or get off the pot. Uninformed opinions and unwarranted comments with no substantiation is borderline crazy. I would never shut down any one else of any creed or color, for the sole reason our opinions may differ. See, here the thing that most people don’t get – we NEED to hear more than ONE side of everything to understand, to get the FULL flavors of life (one cannot live on white rice forever, you need spices, juices, vegetables once in a while). I don’t really think I made much of a point, but you won’t lose me as a reader or follower. Not that you would miss one or two people, but I’m sticking around. PS- I think I just ranted and probably made zero sense, but I had no choice, my head and heart were gonna explode if I didn’t write. PPS- If anything, I hope to see you at next year’s Epcot Art Festival.
“Uninformed opinions and unwarranted comments with no substantiation is borderline crazy”…meanwhile the President of the U.S., well…you know where I’m going. And you’re SO right.. I LOVED your rant and I’m sitting on the other side of my computer screen like “Yep, yep…yes, girl. Uh huh.” I TOTALLY got your point.
P..S. YESSSSS to the Art Festival!
Keep these posts coming! I’ve felt so disillusioned since the election. There’s people I don’t speak to anymore because the things they say are not what I think anyone with a conscience should believe. People that I’ve known for years. And they call themselves “Christian” while doing their best to make others suffer. Not that they see it that way, because people of color aren’t people to them, they’re interlopers that are stealing things the only White people should have. And these aren’t affluent people. They’re regular people who work 40+ hours, or are on some form of a social net, like SDI, but you’d think they were oil barons the way they act.They don’t see that the people in charge need it that way to keep control over them too. I don’t want to forget that someone doesn’t have to be White to matter just as much as anyone else, or that being White will make a difference when the wealthy need that extra penny to line their already bursting coffers.
Oh gosh…that’s the wonkiest (not a word but you know what I mean) bit of them all.. People of certain faiths not speaking up or at the very least NOTICING the craziest surrounding what’s going and still trying to justify it. Really? Why? You’re right. We KNOW this people. It’s scary. But also motivation for me to keep talking so that we can have these conversations and help educate and provide some insight to these kind of people.
Thanks for this post! I was one of the few women I know who didn’t march. While I loved seeing everyone come together, I am like you – what exactly were they marching for?! There were signs for every issue I could think of, but no one binding issue. I am all for political activism and being involved, but I just didn’t feel the pull to this when there wasn’t a common issue to come together on. I feel like there are a lot of women shaming other women for not marching, and it’s driving me bonkers. I’m not a Trump-lover, racist, or conservative. I just didn’t think there was a clear mission with this march and so I didn’t go. I’m tired of being classified with the idiots because I didn’t identify with this.
I am truly disillusioned with our country right now. It apparently isn’t what I had always thought it was. As each day in Trump’s presidency passes (and we’re only on the first week!), I am more and more sickened by not just how many people are sitting back and letting it happen, but how many people actively supported these policies and chose to vote for him. That includes my own family. I am 99% sure my parents voted for Trump. They told me they were, but that was before the Billy Bush video came out, so I’m not 100%. We have always been extremely close, even with differing views – they are conservative christians while I am an extremely liberal… I don’t even know what – but now I find myself pulling away and not wanting to be around them. I think we both feel uncomfortable because we both know we stood on different sides here. And it’s not like this was a political thing – I don’t really care about having different politics – this was something different. I realized, for the first time in my life, that my parents are selfish assholes who don’t care about other people beyond themselves and whoever they perceive as worthy. They see themselves and those like them as superior to others and think that it’s ok to have the American Dream only apply to them. It’s been a heartbreaking experience, and that’s only on the personal level.
I am white, so I don’t pretend to know what people of color are facing and dealing with. I’m never going to truly understand that. We are all people, all human beings – we should all be afforded the same rights and privileges and we should embrace our differences. No one should be treated as a second class citizen. I seriously thought everyone would think that… but apparently not. Apparently what I thought of the American people was a hell of a lot different than what they actually turned out to be.
I read your comment and then re-read it and read it again and ugh, your words really mean something to me. All I have to say is – I wish there were more people like you.